Not a talk or a video, but an excellent resource for coaches. Harvard compiled tests to help you locate bias: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html
You may have heard of intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. As a personal trainer, we learned that people who are motivated from within, or intrinsically motivated, are the one's that are more likely to succeed than those externally motivated.
What I've learned since is that there is a chapter in the book on motivation that they left out.
Intrinsically motivated goals means something within me is fueling me to energize me to attain my goal. Ex: If I lose 4 pounds this week, I will feel better and feel satisfied.
Extrinsically motivated goals, on the other hand, mean I am motivated by something outside of myself to energize my goal so that I can attain it. Ex: If I lose 4 pounds this week, then I will buy myself a new workout shirt.
Yet, Terry Warner introduces a new layer of depth to human motivate, and I believe, it is a game changer.
"For the only change that matters is a change of heart.
Every other change alters us cosmetically but not fundamentally;
modifies how we appear, what we do or what we say, but not who we are."
- C. Terry Warner author of Bonds that Make Us Free
So, let's set aside relating to objects as rewards. Objects don't love us back. This is most likely why they were proven to provide short term motivation only.
Next, look at your "why". What would the goal bring to your heart? Good. Now, one more layer.
What happens when your inner "why," your heart, adds other people into your goals? You now have a purpose and meaning bigger than yourself.
Answer this. Take one goal you have for yourself right now. What positive impact does attaining your goal have on others? In what ways does the positive impact matter?
Ex: If I lose 4 pounds this week, I will feel better and add to my health. Then I would be able to play with my grandkids longer and light up each others’ lives.
Now I am deeply motivated and rooted in my motivations.
Your turn. Why do your goals matter to others? How will their life and your life improve?
Perhaps it goes without saying. The deeply rooted our motivations, the more natural our commitment grows. The deeper the roots, the taller the tree.
Let’s change what deeply matters. As this year comes to a close and we face the year to come, I invite you to keep Terry's words in mind as you set your goals and deepen your motivations by asking, "Whose life will I positively impact by reaching this goal and what makes this positive impact on them so truly important to me?"
By Laurel Elders
Edited by Nancy Smyth and Sharon Eaks
The first time I was on a helicopter my friends and I were being medevaced to the nearest emergency room. I was 15. It was a surprise birthday trip with friends up to a concert in Phoenix. On the ride up, the girl driving veered off the edge of the freeway, over-corrected and spun us out of control. The small truck flipped multiple times and flung us out onto the pavement at 80 miles per hour.
That was quite the experience and led to a severe ptsd response in my body anytime someone else is driving, I'm on the freeway or flying in a plane. The fear of enduring another crash hasn't left my side in over 27 years.
Last week was the first time I road on a helicopter for fun!
It was spouse appreciation at the 943rd Search & Rescue Squadron and Davis-Monthan Air Force Base. I almost cancelled. I was terrified. I decided to push through and..... I survived! I also had such an amazing experience! No regrets!
There are two types of fears we face, physical and emotional. Physical fears are connected to the safety of our physical body and health. Emotional fears are also connected to our safety, but our emotional safety.
The emotional fears are the one's that limit our potential. These fears are what we help our clients examine and become aware of so that they can remove inner-obstacles to their success.
Each Enneagram type has a unique Basic Fear and Basic Desire. Our motivations are linked up with our Basic Fear and Basic Desire.
Here is an overview of each type and the motivations beneath the behavior:
Often the same behaviors, on the surface, are deceiving.
If I strive to demonstrate competence as a Type Five, I might look like a Type Three striving for success.
Yet, coaching a Type Five versus a Type Three requires a completely different perspective as the underlying motivations are vastly different.
To this end, the Enneagram offers us a powerful self-awareness short-cut for our clients to self-identify what is running the show.
Once we become self-aware, we can then shift out of our limiting patterns of the personality and step into our true gifts and human potentials.
Care to join illuminating, empowering and integrative advancements in human potential?
We are ready to empower positive, insightful and eager new coaches into the world!
Learn more about the IICT 9 month Certification in Integrative Coaching!
Early registration is open.
Deadline: Dec. 15th, 2018
Orientation: January 22nd
Classes start: Feb. 5th
>> Check out graduate testimonies <<
>> Review the upcoming program <<
Imagine. Over 30 years ago. 6thgrade me. Waiting by the door for the teacher to let us in to 4th period math. Other classmates begin to gather. I’m standing alone, books in hand, observing the bustle between classes and overhearing the two guys standing not more than 10 feet away.
“She never talks to anyone. She is probably a super snob.” Said one.
“Maybe she’s stupid.” The other countered. They snickered. I looked away.
They were talking about me. They looked at me as if I wasn’t there and didn’t matter. Their words stung like a hundred bees. Years of being “the wallflower”, feeling invisible, worthless. I fought back tears that day.
That conversation, waiting for class to begin, I’ll never forget. If only they could see the real me. I was the furthest person from “a snob”. I was one of the most caring and compassionate friends you could ask for. I also had your back if you needed anything.
My parents moved my sister and I to a new state, new school, new big city in search of better jobs. I had very few friends. My sister on the other hand, adapted just fine. Me? I spent every year, year after year in the emotional anguish of feeling lonely in an ironically overcrowded world. Why?
Sadly, I agreed with the “she might be stupid” sentiment. I unwittingly equated social skills, eloquence and extroversion with real intelligence. Thank goodness, I was only very partially right. Those attributes are only a few intelligences out of a bouquet of others.
The irony? I was so shy, in my quiet observation, I was adept at noticing irony surrounding me. I would come up with hilarious jokes and share them with my best friend. When we got together with a group of friends, she would tell my jokes and have the whole group laughing. My heart sank further.
Living in a primarily extroverted society, there is often confusion around introverts. And, if you happen to be a shy introvert, it is a double whammy.
It is so fascinating to me that every extrovert I’ve spoken with, tells me they are really an introvert. I believe this is true, in part, because everybody needs down time in their life regardless of their primary hard-wiring.
Yet, I’ve learned that introverts are a physiologically unique breed, with many unique gifts and assets that are born from the solace and sensitives we come into the world with.
Today, I’ve learned to live in peace with the fallacy society cloaked around me… that I was an “inadequacy” and I just needed to buck-up and get my extrovert in-gear to be a success.
Now in my forties, years of tears behind me, I see the gifts and nuances that my many busy counterparts gloss over. Today, I embrace who I am and stand strong in my quiet resolve… my quiet leadership.
Seeing Susan Cain’s TED talk, The Power of Introverts (1), was a new era in my awareness. Not only did she effectively dispel all societal myths that introverts were lazy, snobby or unintelligent, she also illuminated the true gifts we bare to the world and to the people we impact.
Did you know that introverts are more sensitive physiologically from birth than our extroverted counterparts? (2)
This seems counterintuitive because we seem so calm on the surface. Yet, on the inside, the introvert is taking in multiple aspects to what is happening in their environment, all at once and synthesizing information on micro and macro scales.
In other words, when you stop me in a busy hallway, ask me a question and I look at you like a deer in headlights, it is not because I don’t know an answer. It is because I’m calculating all probable outcomes, including past and future possibilities and aware of who else is walking by and my potential impact on them. There is a lot going on for introverts… our internal processors are loaded like a super power.
The emotions, the details, the nuances, the red flags, the many potential outcomes, etc. It is no wonder we then need more reprieve than our counterparts that are less sensitive to their environment and therefor seek out additional stimulation.
Cain also spotlights that the shift in our society from character valuation to performance valuation has taken its toll, even on extroverts. We no longer care how much integrity, honor, or courage someone has, as much as we tend to care about how well someone can put on a performance for us, talk to us, demonstrate to us and be boisterous and fun!
As a society who began valuing performance over character, the value of extroversion is subconsciously established, unless you happened to be raised by your grandparents the twenties.
Now, Cain points out, we have science backing up the gifts of introversion, which is a valuable counterbalance, to a world running itself ragged and misplacing priorities on external bypasses.
Are people casting aside character in order to be “seen”? Has our self-development become external and therefor shallower? Is introverted brilliance being overlooked and potentials left untapped because it isn’t “showee” enough? How do these unconscious favoritism biases limit our business, economic, emotional and cultural success?
Since imbalance in any direction blocks potential, let’s eliminate the bias and get real.
Character does matter. People’s gifts do matter, internal and external. Can you see through someone’s social performance and into their heart? An introvert can. Can you look and see who hasn’t spoken and not assume it is because they have nothing to add? Can you have a team that values, honors and gives space for both ways of being? When the answer becomes yes, a greater potential is within reach.
Extroverts. Your introverted counterparts are your counterbalance. They will offer you depth of thought, care and intimacy. They will remind you it is ok to not burn out and to take “me time”. Since introverts need time to process all the information we take in, with much less stimulation needed, give us time. Don’t brush us aside too quickly. With space, we will gift you conclusions that unleash new possibilities.
Introverts. Do not allow this culture, in its current state, to fool you. Your character, depth and insights matter. They matter a lot. Many of the most transformative people in science, religion and psychology were introverts who, in their solace saw farther, imagined deeper and even extrapolated relativity.
Some of my colleague's and I have noticed that ABM or Accidental Business Misrepresentation is on the rise.
Accidental? Yes. People don't always realize or know they are misrepresenting.
There is an ongoing practice where a professional takes their services and sweeps them all under the single umbrella of “coaching”.
This leaves their precious clients scratching their heads… believing they are coming for coaching and then getting an entirely different service. This can also pose liability issues, stating services as "X" and then delivering "Y". In some cases this has caused public confusion.
How can you avoid or fix ABM?
Simple! Place the primary service you do provide within your title. Some examples:
Both companies and individuals can fall into ABM challenges.
By placing your primary service as your title, you will avoid liability, confusion and misrepresentation. Not everything that helps someone is coaching. For example, if I'm giving someone information or direction, then I'm doing consulting. If I'm giving life advice, then I'm counseling them.
What Makes a Coach?
You may be surprised to learn that trained coaches:
Seems counter-intuitive, I agree.
Coaches are trained to help clients navigate their inner-game for outward gain.
For example, coaches are trained to help clients:
How do we do this? Very Socratically. More specifically, the power of skilled observation and inquiry. Coaches are trained to challenge clients with deep, provocative questions that move clients into a new ways of thinking, new awareness and new strategies.
These observations and questions ignite, invite and challenge the client to think bigger than they ever could have done on their own.
Coaches are trained to get you to reach farther and dig deeper into your natural gifts.
Coaches are trained to know exactly when, why and how to allow you to move out of self-sabotage, work from their inspiration and lead a life the client builds by design.
Why do we do this?
Simply put: Give a person to fish, they are only fed for a day. Teach a person to fish they are fed for lifetime. At some point a person's empowerment must come from within. This is where coaching steps in.
We are trained to help people navigate and grow into their own internal wisdoms, development and resources. We are here when people are ready to reach further, tackle fears and learn about their true potential.
We are here to help people access their highest potential and start living, leading and learning through that potential.
Interested in learning fundamental coaching skills and approaches? We've got you covered!
Take our Coaching Foundations online course, starting October 3rd.
Visit us to learn more: www.IntegrativeCoachTraining.com
Time has been deemed an illusion. A man made tool for measurement. In reality there is only one time... now.
There are two other time zones however.. the past and the future. Both of which can color how we see the current time, the now.
Today's video covers what the three time zones have to do with finding our own mastery. Enjoy!
When I work with health coaching clients on overcoming emotionally eating, they often start off feeling like creating a true lasting change is too monumental. Yet, the pain of remaining stuck is too much, so they have asked for help in facilitating change.
My message (this may sound crazy at first) is to not focus on creating change at all. I invite them instead to create a new possibility. After hearing this perspective shift, I typically hear a sigh of relief, followed by, "that I can do."
Then... vwalla, the client has an opening to move into.
Ever wonder how coaching impacts change down to our wiring, our neuro-plasicity? In this innovative resource, Ann Betz reviews each of the ICF Core Competencies and how they impact the brain.
Creating a new possibility (new neuro-pathway) is easier than "changing" (an old pathway).
Enjoy today's resource is on how coaching positively impacts the brain!
The benefits of being properly coach trained far surpass the classroom. It is a game changer in life, in love and in professional agility.
Personal Happiness & Fulfillment Redefined
Learning tools that empower other people, can’t help but empower you along the way. Living with the mindset of empowerment and possibility is an incredible shift for people and a complete game changer for your future.
This is because a kickass coaching program teaches you:
No other profession I’m aware offers such rich and fulfilling personal gain and set of new tools to use! When you get coach training, you gain access to a whole new life. You learn how to live a life where your best self gets to come forth and be in the lead.
Kobi Yamada asked, “What if the rest of your life was the best of your life?”
With coach training, your relationships are rewarded. Your relationship to others shifts from problem centric to possibility oriented. Your relationship to yourself is completely enhanced, positively impacting your physical health, emotional world and inner-critic.
People thrive when they have the tools to master their life and help others master theirs. The personal gain from transformational coach training alone surpasses the worth of the investment for many.
The tools you learn leverage you wherever you take your life. You learn how to talk to people differently, value yourself in new ways and listen in ways that heighten your understanding.
As coach you know what is possible and you bring the empowering perspectives with you wherever you go, helping people you touch move from stuck to unobstructed.
Coach training translates to anything and everything you professionally undertake.
Options Open Up
Being trained in coaching gives you the option to take on private clients and impact many people’s lives. Each person you help empower, positively impacts the people in their lives too. I’ve had wives thank me for the transform that took place in their spouse and marriage as a result of coaching.
Some people take on clients 100%. Others coach part-time on the side and still hold a job. And others do something else they love doing and coaching part-time allows them additional flexibility to travel, retire or do a hobby.
Either way, being trained gives opens up options and gives you the tools to get you there!
Attending a kick-ass coach training program is a life changing and professionally empowering choice to make. Because of its very enlightening and evoking nature, coaching puts you on a completely new path, opening you up to new possibilities.
To have training that enlivens your personal life, enhances all of your relationships and provides you with professional options so that you can create your life, on your terms, is a powerful opportunity!
Coaching teaches us to not only think outside of the box, but also shows us that the box does not even exist.
Laurel Inman, PCC
IICT Founder / Senior Faculty
>> Learn More <<
This video answers two questions:
Once you decide you want coach training, many people ask: “How much training is enough?”
Not all professionals need the same level of training to be effective. The answer to this question depends on your goals.
If you only want a coaching skills to add to and existing modality or career path, then you wouldn’t need the full professional “PCC” level training.
If however, you want coaching to be your primary modality and you wish to work one-to-one with clients, then the full PCC training will ensure you have enough basics PCC skills to uphold professional standards and grow into a truly masterful coach.
Below is a suggested rule of thumb:
Note: The International Coach Federation (ICF) requires a minimum of 60 hours “approved coach specific training hours” or “ACSTH” to meet base level coaching standards.
Becoming a full time coach or switching to coaching as your primary modality: 125 hours +
The ICF governs these "PPC" level programs as “accredited coach training programs” or “ACTP”s.
Many programs that are ACTP also offer smaller program options. For example we offer Coaching Foundations (12 hours) and Advanced Concepts (31-82 hours). Then our full ACTP program is 127 hours and includes certification.
To view IICT training options >> Click Here <<
You would think I would carry a bias around becoming a credentialed coach because I am one. However, in this article I will be taking an honest look at the ups and downs of credentialing, clients and coaching industry trends. I’m going to cover five challenges to consider before deciding to pursue training or to continue on and earn a professional credential.
20 year old self: “I want to do something with my life that helps people. Something that really empowers them.”
“What can I do? I can become a therapist!”
“I’m two years into my bachelors, but I want to help people now. Hmmm, why don’t I pursue this 25 hour certificate in coaching so I can start to help people while I’m still in school. Why do they call it coaching anyway?”
Day one of coach training: “OH my gosh! Coaching is not counseling at all?! It is its own unique discipline?! So, I’m not telling people what I think, what they should do or guiding them with leading questions or solutions?! I’m helping them reach their own empowerment?! This approach makes so much sense. I love it, it is also so positive and fun!! I’m hooked. I’m in.”
This was me in 2004, having no clue there was another option for helping people succeed in life other than becoming a therapist or consultant.
2005 I graduated from my first coach training program. It had happened. I had caught “the coaching bug” and my eyes had been opened to the amazing world of coaching... the world of helping people create possibility and access their potential. I was in love.
Needless to say, I didn’t continue down a therapy path after this monumental discovery. I changed my degree to Organizational Psychology with the concentration in Corporate Coaching and that was that. I was coach.
It is now 2018. I’m in my 40s. I’ve coached ever since and carry a passionately earned “Professional Certified Coach” (PCC) credential with the International Coach Federation (ICF).
In 2011 I was hired to start and run a new coach training program through Prescott College. All of which gave me deep insights and respect for the vastly budding world of coaching.
Over the years I’ve seen the title coach tossed around and with it, a key question kept arising:
“I decided to go for accredited coach training and I had a friend telling me I don’t need to. She says I can just take my background and hang my hat as a “Coach”. Is this true? That advice doesn’t feel right to me. What are your thoughts?” - Potential student pursuing training, 2017.
This is a concern that I come across a lot and is a good one to look at.
Coaching is a peer regulated industry, just like personal training for example. Would you go to a personal trainer that learned from YouTube and had a personal success, or would you want a certified trainer that had direct guidance, met rigorous standards and is following a professional code of ethics?
There is much more to the "coach" title than meets the eye.
Today I'll outline five key aspects of coaching to be aware of:
#1 - False Advertising:
I remember the first day of class I was shocked. I had NO clue, that I had no clue, what true coaching actually was. Being completely honest with you, I had an assumption that coaching was a fluffy form of counseling, guiding and motivating people. I thought I’d get my certificate, learn a few tips and then go do my own form of guiding people in the world.
I couldn’t have been more wrong and sadly many people fall into this category without even knowing it. I learned more in that first hour of coach training than I knew was possible and this new discovery completely changed the trajectory of my entire life.
Here is the “down low”: If you are granting yourself a coaching title, or your company is, and also giving people advice, guidance or strategies to follow, this is not actually coaching. Consulting, advising, guiding and/or mentoring are distinct from coaching. Coaching is a unique discipline that focusses on the client guiding themselves through a co-creative process with the coach.
Just be aware if you are doing another modality, or untrained about where the professional coaching boundary lines are, you might not be coaching.
Advice: Place the primary modality you are using, or trained in, as your title. This ensures you are marketing services correctly.
#2 - Liability:
True coaching is low liability because professionally trained coaches do not advise, guide or tell our clients what to do or not do. Client answers are client-generated and this is the professionally outlined role in the coach/client contract. Client success is also client generated. We do not diagnose or treat clients, that is the scope of a licensed counselor or therapist. Coaches are trained to challenge clients, facilitate new thinking and help them develop their internal wisdom.
As a result of training in this “Socratic” discipline, clients reach new heights and realize latent potentials waiting to be tapped into. Clients are also more motivated and inspired when the answers come from within. When people are given advice, this only activates their logical brain. When people reach their own conclusions, the logical and emotional brain is activated, making action more likely. (1)
Professional coach training teaches you exactly where, when, why and how to draw lines professionally. Very valuable!
#3 - Self-referencing:
There are things we know. There are things we don’t know. There are things that we know we don’t know. But the kicker, our blind-spots, are the areas of life where we don’t know what we don’t know.
I know that I know how to tie my shoelaces and cook a mean lasagna. I didn’t know that I didn’t know what real coaching was. I was shocked when I first found out. It was in my blind spot, but I had no clue. I had no clue I would learn over 50 new coaching skill sets.
My advice is to be very careful about being only self-referenced, because we can’t know what we don’t know. “I want to help people” is the starting point. Stand on the shoulders of the wise professionals who can guide you farther down a path and help you avoid major pitfalls or liabilities. Respecting and learning from the Sherpas of any profession, or lineage, will empower you in ways not yet thought of.
#4 - Client confidence:
Here you want to consider who your clients will be. If you are working in the corporate world, earning an ICF credential is imperative for most companies. However, if you are working for yourself, in a non-business related niche, your clients may not care as much whether or not you carry a big credential. However, the majority of people hiring do want coaches to have graduated from a training. Same with hiring a consultant. You would want your consultant to have both expertise and experience.
The ICF conducts ongoing research and found in 2016-2017:
#5 - Leverage:
Having experience in a matter doesn’t equate to expertise. Here is why: There are 9 personality types according to the Enneagram and 16 according to Myers-Brigs. This means one personal success doesn’t automatically translate to other’s people’s empowerment. I have noticed a trend. Someone has success in an area and then turns that success into a program for others to purchase and follow. Unless your clients have all your personality defaults, the actual success rates of your program can only match the number of participants that share your personality tendencies, habits and thought patterns.
If you are only operating off of experiences and passion to help people… awesome! Your wisdom and compassion are needed. You can also consider taking your experience a step further and learning how to meet people where they are at through training.
My coaching business is a prime example. I overcame emotional eating and a painful eating disorder through Intentional Eating methods. I have ample personal experience in successfully overcoming this painful issue. Am I an expert in emotional eating? Not at all, I’m an expert in my own healing. So, before I hung my hat as an Intentional Eating coach, with expertise I: 1) did research to see what works best for other people and 2) relied on my coach training so that I could meet a client where they were at and not tell them what will work for them.
If however, you decide to take your expertise and do further research into how your successful outcomes show up to all personality types, you move towards expert. Be careful of the trend “make money off of your positive experience”, it can leave a lot of people upset when the approach is not working for their background, habits, value system and nature.
Coaching, true coaching, meets people exactly where they are at, leveraging their unique success formula, waiting to be discovered. Learning coaching skills and tools is the fastest road to ensuring amazing client empowerment and success. In coaching you help another human being develop and honor their potential. It is quite a brilliant process actually!
To examine the question “Do I need coach training and a credential to be a coach?” I conclude this:
Because coaching is a distinct discipline, credentialing is a personal matter relating to your unique goals. However, professional training, coaching tools and developing coaching competency is imperative to knowing what true coaching is, reducing liability/false advertisement and leveraging your unique background.
I personally see a world that needs wisdom. Coaches are facilitating new possibilities, wisdoms and transforming lives every day. Your success, wisdom and empowerment is our passion.
To learn more about training and credential options, visit: coachfederation.org/icf-credential
Laurel Inman, PCC, Coach / Mentor / Trainer. She is the Founder and Senior Faculty at the Institute for Integrative Coach Training (IICT).
Years ago I remember picking up a pair of gloves and reading, “One Size Fits All”.
‘Uh, I don’t think so.’ I thought.
Then the other day I picked up a winter hat that read, “One Size Fits Most”. Ok, now we are getting closer.
When it comes to people, one size doesn't fit all.
When it comes to a person’s success, one formula can't fit all.
This is why I caution people on expensive programs that follow one formula, instead of adapting the program to the participant.
This is why learning the Enneagram or Myers-Briggs, to name a few, can foster much needed awareness for professional development.
This is why coaching is so contagious! In coaching the formula created suits us perfectly. Coaches are our own personal tailors of success, helping us customize the path we choose.
Coaching works with us where we are at and gets us where we are going in the most empowering manor, specific to our needs and nobody else's.
What is your success formula?
Mine is getting enough sleep, doing yoga 3-4 days per week, rock climbing at least 1-2 times a month (reset button!), living the Law of Attraction, surrounding myself with empowered people and asking for help when I need it.
Getting ourselves in touch with our personal success formula, helps us be at our best when we show up to coach people into their success formula.
Coaching Challenge: Find a friend or colleague to do this activity with. Forward this article to them. Schedule 30-40 minutes and support each other in crafting your unique success formulas.
Laurel Inman, PCC
IICT Founder / Senior Faculty
Coach / Mentor / Trainer
My 15 year old daughter approached me, “Mom, what do you think about the nature/nuture debate?”
Sometimes I get mommy brain and reply to the kids rather automatically. This time, the answer that came through for her astounded even me.
I responded, “Is it nature? Is it nuture? It is both. Yet, it is who we choose to be that matters the most.” My years in coach training and self-examination came through strong and clear.
Yes, we have hard wiring. We see this in Myers-Briggs. No matter how much I want to become an extrovert I will always be wired to need ample quiet reflective time. Yes, I can learn to be outgoing, and mimic my extroverted counterparts, but I will never thrive on socializing like my brother-in-law does. It is not in my DNA.
Yes, we also have conditioning and influence from our environment. I grew up in the country, I love outdoors and I value tradition and community as a result. My parents taught me how to love, to follow my heart and climb trees. I learned from them and will continue to gain from their love, heart and wisdom over the years to come.
At some point though, we have the awareness to look at who we’ve become and decide if it is who we want to be and what we want to do about this thing called "life".
At this point, we have a choice about who we become. When this becomes a conscious choice, we start our own path, our own hero's journey.
This point of creation is also where coaching comes in. We are asking our clients to self-identify. Who are you? What do you truly believe? What do you want? What do you value? What are your priorities?
In the Toltec teachings, I’ve learned that we must abandon our dependency on our parents in order to step into our lives as a warrior, or we will live out our life as a victim.
This phase of warrior is what establishes our independence. Then, if we choose we can step out of the fight in life and into our own mastery.. this phase they call the Master. It is an interdependent phase where our potential is integrated into the fabric of the life we've carved out.
There is one bridge, and one bridge alone, into mastery... this bridge is true Self-Knowledge. Here we are examining the vast difference between false self-knowledge and true.
Take a look (overview download below).
This week’s lesson also speaks to the fact that we sometimes have to remind our clients that they have choice over who they choose to be. This overview opens a path to help us move into "the Real", as the Sufi's say.
WE ARE EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE THE LAUNCH OF OUR NEW CONTINUING EDUCATION COMMUNITY.
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE & JOIN!
"Quality is not perfection, it is preparedness."
~ note sitting on my desk
At the conclusion of each year I reflect on what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve learned, new wisdoms gleamed from any challenges I faced and what I wish to accomplish in the new year.
Each year I pick a word to strengthen my abilities and hold the container for my growth. This year, the word that gifted its way into my heart is “quality”.
This year is not going to be about doing more. It is about taking what I have and fine tuning it.
This year is not going to be about perfection. Perfection is an unsustainable goal. But this year will be about preparedness.
This year also won’t be about accomplishing more. This year will be about masterfully delving deeper into what is ready to flourish.
Through quality, the beacon of mastery beckons.
Through quality, we see, feel, touch and experience the optimal.
Through quality, we grow deeper roots and as the saying goes, the deeper the roots the taller the tree.
The irony is this: When we choose one characteristic to focus on,
we empower other areas of our life naturally.
By focusing on quality, more incidentally gets done. Focusing on quality, we may hit moments of perfection. By focusing on quality, more accomplishments will be had and positive growth will ensue.
I invite you to consider… what is your “quality” this year?
In Sufi traditions, a quality is an aspect of the Divine that empowers, heals, and lends to our wholeness. Focusing on one quality at a time fertilizes the entire garden of this life that we keep.
Each year I gift myself a reflective process that honors the year that has passed and empowers the year that is now standing before me.
I set aside 4-6 hours of quiet retreat time to get cozy and reflect on:
I co-created this process with a dear friend years ago. We did a retreat day together by a fire and really allowed ourselves to go deeper into lessons and intentions. I noticed that by doing this the year ahead of me was so much more successful than the years I'd only set goals without a container of support around them.
I've now done this process and improved upon it every year since.
I hope this process is an empowering gift to you, that you will continue to gift yourself each year to come.
Happy 2018 friends!! Thank you for being here.
I was so thrilled! Walking through the garden section at Home Depot, I noticed that all of the plants were on sale. Yep, that is actually thrilling to me, a mountain gal at heart, living in the Sonoran desert.
My family and I just bought a new home and I had previously lost all of my houseplants to a bug invasion in our prior home. UGH! Heartbreaking.
I couldn’t wait to pepper our beautiful new home with some much needed vibrant green life!
That day I tentatively took home a 5 ft. fig tree.
I’ve never taken care of a fig tree before, it looked very delicate, but figured I could learn.
I placed it by the window, gave it a decent size pot and sprayed it with mist every few days. At first it didn’t like being moved and dropped a lot of leaves. Eventually it began to thrive... no more dead leaves. Phew… home safe and I became the proud new keeper of an indoor fig tree.
A month later, vacationing in San Diego, we went walking to the beach.
What did we pass?
A HUGE fig tree. This fig tree stood 20 feet tall and each leaf was a robust beautiful green. Unlike my tree, which had a decent amount of leaves, this tree was so thick with leaves you could not see through it to the other side!
I had no clue fig trees grew that much. I was completely blown away.
Such it is with plants. They grow according to the environment around them. Plants reach their potential when the external circumstances allow for it.
What I've learned after becoming a coach is that the majority of people subconsciously believe this to be true about their life.
“Once the conditions are right I’ll…..” Fill in the blanks. "Yes, but...." The external circumstance is the escape goat when something isn’t happening right.
The truth about being human
is that we reach our potential when
our internal environment is first enriched.
I know plenty of people with handsome external riches and yet they still are not living fulfilled or happy lives. I’ve seen people in poverty with happy hearts because they embrace what they do have.
What allows you to wake up feeling amazing and moves you towards your potential? What inner thoughts, feelings and fears move you away from your potential?
Making a positive inner-shift and internally enriching our life
allows us to live at the level of cause in our life.
Fears and negative thinking place us at the level of effect.
Internal enrichment occurs when we align with our:
Coaching is one of the most a powerful life enrichment paths. Coaching is a spiritual chiropractic treatment, aligning our inner world in ways that enhance our outer world.
What is so powerful about coaching is that coaching meets us wherever we are at.
Coaching then: 1) introduces us to new wisdoms within the mind, 2) strengthens the intuition of our body and 3) is plentiful fertilizer to the heart because coaching honors what we value, not what someone else tells us we should value.
Enriching our inner-landscape is a complete life enhancer! We can grow ten times more when our internal world is in sync, balanced and empowered through the integrated nutrients it needs.
The other day I accidentally deleted an entire morning of work.
I realized fighting it wouldn't do a darn thing to undelete my work.
Yet, I didn't want to let it go. I needed the work to get done.
So, I chose to fix it and move on!
This very simple categorization is a great coaching tool!
Have a client that is fighting, or pushing, against a situation? This very simple categorization is a great coaching tool!
However, no matter how wonderful, powerful or simple a tool is, if we skip over the human element and jump into action too soon, the results can fall flat.
Coaching teaches us: The most effective time to invite a client into action (the "fix it" or "forget it" part), we must first invite them into a shift, or new perspective, that leaves them feeling empowered.
So, before you get your handy-dandy notebook ready to do this:
Let's first get to the heart of what makes this situation a "fight" for them.
In order to move forward and choose whether or not to "fix-it" or "forget-it", what does the client's heart need first? Do they need to grieve the loss of success? Do they need to be heard and/or understood? Do they need to vent? Do they need to explore what they learned?
Once the heart is addressed, and invited to join the conversation, then the shift is usually not too far behind. Once we hear that shift in tone, openness or excitement, then moving forward with this tool can feel very empowering. Once they've shifted, they have moved into "action ready" mode. When they are action-ready, then they get to choose what needs to go out the window and what needs to get placed on the delegation list.
When I realized I lost all of my hard work by my own human error, my face flushed, I felt hot, I felt angry at myself and I felt complete disbelief.
I wanted to fight it, stamp my feet and have all my work return!
What did I do instead? I chose to use my coaching skills.
I took a deep breath. I sunk into the reality I was faced with. I allowed myself to grieve. I stayed present with myself (one benefit of being a coach right!?).
The emotion passed. I was freed up to decide I needed to fix this. It was then I felt calm enough to begin again. Had I tried to fix it in my upset, I could have created more mistakes or errors from not being present and connected.
This is a small scale example. What about bigger losses, conflicts and inner-fights within ourselves?
Same principle. Once we allow ourselves to address our inner-needs and reconnect with our heart, allowing the emotion to move through, then we return to presence, choice and intention. Then the action becomes much easier to move into and more effective because we feel better.
Application: When you notice your client is stuck in "fight", help them first identify what they are needing at a heart level. Then, when they are ready, help them choose their next action with a heart at peace.
Laurel Inman, PCC
IICT Founder / Senior Faculty
Have you ever made a mistake and had someone get upset with you? You are left feeling empty and regretful, yet you didn’t mean to do it.
In my early twenties, I walked into the main office of my new apartment ready to drop off rent. Long story short I forgot my wallet, which was going to make me late paying my first month’s rent and deposit. I felt horrible. This was not how I wanted my first impression to go. I was going to live there for crying out loud!
The woman, whom managed the place, paused to look at me and said with a smile, “Sweetie, if this is the worse thing that happens today we are all in pretty good shape.”
I immediately exhaled and smiled back. “So, true. Thank you.” I said and left at ease.
Grace is one of the best things we can both receive and give to another stressed out human being, or to our stressed-out self. Grace fills up both the giver and receiver, bringing ease into stressful situations.
I now love giving the gift of grace wherever I go. Today the dental receptionist messed up my appointment so I missed a very much needed, overdue teeth cleaning.
Instead of getting upset, I chose to pass the gift to her, “If this is the worse thing that happens today we are all in pretty good shape.” I could feel her immediately soften and let herself off the hook. “Oh my gosh thank you.” She said. I smiled. We rescheduled.
For grasping grace in your life, consider:
How would the world be a brighter place with grace readily available whenever we needed it? In what ways would you like to start giving grace to others? In what ways can you give more grace to yourself? How do you give grace to your clients, customers, friends, family or strangers?
Laurel Inman, PCC
Founder / Senior Faculty at IICT
How to identify if your coaching message
is specific enough with one simple step.
One of the biggest reasons coaches in private practice end up not making a lucrative income is when their marketing is too flat. As a seasoned coach, and now coach trainer, that struggled for years to start a successful practice, I inform my students of a huge professional challenge:
Coaching is beginning to break through into public visibility. HOWEVER, we are still at a cocoon stage in our profession, generally speaking of course, that people do not readily recognize they need us until they see what we do. To contrast: People do wake up in the middle of the night and think, “That’s it!” I’m going to go find a counselor first thing in the morning.” People don’t yet wake up in the middle of the night and think, “That’s it! I’ve had it! I’m going to hire a coach the second I wake up.”
Mark Silver, my favorite business consultant and owner of Heart of Business, puts it this way (paraphrasing):
Imagine. You are in a busy downtown subway. You are standing there. All of the sudden you hear someone yell out your name. “(YOUR NAME HERE)!” What would you do? You would turn your head to look. Even if they are calling for someone else of the same name, you look.
This is the heart of effective marketing, especially for coaches.
Consider, our name is our identity in ways. When we call out to our future clients, and we call to them at an identity level, we can bridge a powerful connection.
Here is a quick and easy way to get to the heart of what your future clients identify with so that you can easily bridge to them. Once you are connected, then your services become a beacon of hope.
Consider: If my client is up late at night worrying, and they decided to Google for help, what would come after they word help?
Help, my house is infested with ticks!
Help, I’m going through a break-up and was cheated on!
Help, my step-son hates me!
Help, my employees are fighting!
Notice the title of this article was not, “Help, my son is rebelling and I’m at my wits end!” Only those parents experiencing a rebellious daughter would turn their heads. Instead, I spoke to those like me, that had experienced, or are currently experiencing, a bump in coaching business growth and are most likely as frustrated as I was by this.
Now, what are your clients being kept awake at night from? Worries, frustrations, concerns? If they reached out to ask for help, what would they be asking your help for? What resources or articles are they seeking?
Identifying this helps you show up at the other end of their search. They called for you!
You may wish to do this for a single program you offer or for your entire business offer.
Answer your client’s call for help, speak to their heart’s and your future clients will thank you! You are in this profession to empower people. Let’s get you to your destination with a huge smile on your heart.
Laurel Inman, PCC
The Institute for Integrative Coach Training
Founder / Senior Faculty / Professional Certified Coach
By Laurel Elders, PCC
IICT Founder / Senior Faculty