A question I asked myself when I was first learning about coaching, which believes we all have our own answers, was this… “If I have all of my answers, then why do I ever feel confused?”
What I learned was powerful.
You may not have all the answers right away when a problem arises, none of us do when it comes to bigger issues where consequences are at stake. For example, “If I follow my heart, my family (or spouse) will look down on me.” “If I quit the job I hate, how will I make ends meet?” "If I head in a new direction, what might happen?"
Those bigger questions, when brought into a coaching conversation, are game changing. In this regard, the coach helps us look deeper into ourselves for the soul-utions we seek. Once we are asked the right questions, new openings become possible.
Coaching is so powerful because the questions become the keys that unlock new possibilities, and then we realize we did have the answer, we did all along. This is why coaching feels magical, yet is practical. It feels miraculous, yet is grounding. So, without the key that unlocks the door, we stay stuck by the illusory closed door.
Once the question has been posed, our brain sets out to answer it and our heart can jump in to pour forth it’s knowing that is rooted deeper that we’ve ever known prior.
Now, this is a concept worth exploring…
You have heard of hackers, right? All of the sudden your computer no longer works and is wigging out from a “virus” sent out. “Thanks hacker,” you think.
Wikipedia’s rendition of a hacker is: “someone who seeks and exploits weaknesses in a computer system or computer network.” I would like to add, “and then subsequently does damage.”
Now, have you heard of a white-hat hacker? A white-hat hacker is also a skilled “hacker” that knows how to navigate internal systems, however, for the greater good. The intent is to protect a system from future damage or fix damage that has occurred. The white-hats are hired for both prevention and damage control.
Our egos are like the hackers that create breakdowns and limits. Our heart speaks and the ego says, “No, silly, you can’t accomplish that. You don’t deserve it anyway.” The egoic self wears us thin, can break us down, or keep us thinking in loops, cycles or limits. Or, how about when your ego says, “Wow, you really blew that. Good luck ever landing that gig again.”
That is where a coach comes in. We do not buy into the ego stories that run viral. We are the white-hat hackers to the limiting beliefs we’ve kept in place far too long or keeping us at arms length from a major success. What keeps us small is our ego structure and defense mechanisms, which act like a buffer to the external world. We may be so enmeshed with our believe structure that we don’t identify it without an external person offering a pattern disrupt and helping us question our “limitations”.
"It is not how far down the rabbit hole do you wish to go.
By Laurel Elders, PCC
IICT Founder / Senior Faculty