What will I do now? I’ve asked myself this question many times in life when something occurs that will cause change to happen. I’ve never been a fan of change. In fact, I have and still do, dread it. When things change, it creates a whole universe of newness that I have to think about in order to make the transition from one way of living to another. Transitions are uncertain and our brains are not wired to like uncertainty. Over the course of my life, I have found ways to help me balance my dread with hope and I will share what I’ve discovered here.
Transitions can occur from changes in life situations such as marriage, divorce, death of a loved one, new jobs, loss of a job, children being born, children leaving home, retirement, and buying a new home. All of these changes can uproot our way of life, causing stress. Even when the changes are exciting, we are stepping into unchartered territory. For some of us, change can be a bit easier if we enjoy the novelty of new ventures while others have a harder time because we enjoy the comfort the status quo affords us. Despite all of the differences in people’s personalities that influence their comfort with change, we can all be affected mentally and emotionally by upheavals in our lives.
So how do we maintain some balance in life during times of transition? Some of the first things that happen in transition, is that we lose our sense of direction and stop taking care of ourselves. We eat poorly, don’t get enough sleep, push ourselves too hard or shut down, and we fall off our schedules. All of this is due to uncertainty of the unknown. Here are some ideas to help bring about more balance:
1. Make a schedule/plan – this helps to alleviate some of the uncertainty by creating clear intentions and steps of action along with time frames for these. Be specific with your intentions. The more specific you are with these, the less uncertainty you will experience.
2. Allow yourself to grieve – whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or any part of your life that is no longer the same, it’s important to be gentle with yourself and realize that this process takes time. Reach out for help from friends, family, support groups, therapists, or life coaches. Going it alone can increase your chances for anxiety and/or depression.
3. Give yourself time for breaks – being focused helps you meet your action steps in your schedule or plan but it’s not effective to stay focused all day. Your brain needs to rest so it’s a good idea to pause throughout the day by taking short power naps, meditating, taking a walk, or engaging in a fun relaxing hobby. Focus helps develop the structure we need but creating time for breaks offers us a more rounded day that keeps us refreshed and less likely to burn-out or give up.
4. Take care of yourself – eat healthy food, get exercise, get enough sleep, and find time to meditate or do some of the things you enjoy doing. Reach out to friends and family for social time. Schedule time with a professional if you need help with any of your self-care, including releasing and processing emotions.
Finally, shifting your perspective so you can look at your transition time as having some positive results instead of just being all bad, will open you to new possibilities. We can begin to see some beautiful opportunities and life paths open up even when we are dealing with deep wells of pain and grief. Through support, self-care, and self-love we can better maintain our mental and physical health so that we can step into a new way of life with balance. We can be open to embrace new adventures that we would have never known if our life stayed exactly as it was.
Darcie Litwicki is an Integrative Life Coach that combines solid coaching skills and working with horses to create a dynamic and transformative coaching process for people to reach their personal and professional goals. She believes her clients are the experts in their own lives and that we all have the ability to reach our highest potential but sometimes we need to engage in the coaching process to get there.
Have you scheduled your free 60-minute coaching session to determine if this is a good fit for you in your life? Contact Darcie to get scheduled. You can schedule Equine Assisted Coaching In-Person Sessions at Silver Heart Ranch or sessions online (Zoom), or by phone. Darcie also offers a variety of group coaching options, workshops, and online classes. Contact her to learn more!
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Do you feel called to coach? The majority of our students report feeling the call. I am here now because and felt the call and decided to follow it and trust it.
A life purpose can be something you choose. A calling chooses you.
The ICF has been featuring people who have been able to follow what is calling them and accomplish great things despite odds, because of coaching.
This week we are featuring Minouche Lusakivana. Minouche went from lawyer to visionary baker extraordinaire. Enjoy her story!
As a result, I grew up very depressed and became rebellious against social norms. In middle school I was that quiet-angry-punk-rock-goth-girl who only wore black, kept my head down and only listened to The Cure. That was me trying to be different, but ironically, only as different as all the other “punk rock new wavers”.
I just really scratched my head at what I thought was a "horrible" world I had been born into. Think about it, from racism to melting ice-caps to sex-trafficking at Walmart, the world humans created is complicated.
Even if we choose to not talk about it, we all feel the impact of these things in hearts each time the next news flash goes by.
My chronic linear focus on what was "wrong", drew me to an equally linear conclusion.
I concluded that we must have
reached our potential as a human race and
we were now headed downhill.
What I discovered is that my conclusion was sorely short-sited.
I discovered that we are only a fraction towards reaching our human potential. Furthermore, things were so “off” because we haven’t even experienced true success on a larger scale yet.
Most people, and most company teams, operated through linear thinking. This linear thinking was delivering equally linear results. The problem with linear results is they don't yield truly successful outcomes. Let me share an example.
If I say to you, “Hey, guess what!? I achieved my goal and created this stellar million dollar company!” Most people would be like, “Wow, congrats, that is amazing! Good work!” followed by a high-five. And if my goal is linear, like going from zero to a million, and I hit that marker, then I can consider myself a true success, right?! I can even call my company “stellar” because it met my limited criteria.
Ok, let’s look at the broader truth. What if I came to you and said, “Hey guess what?! I created this stellar million dollar company! Our products pollute the ocean and our employees are all unhappy and overworked, but that’s ok because we moved our base across seas and employ children as young as eight years, on the cheap, to keep our costs down.”
To you I ask, have I reached true success?
Is anything a true success if it also initiates negative impact?
I say no. True success doesn't include failure.
Wouldn't true success encompass successful outcomes in all areas an endeavor reaches? For example, "Hey guess what?! I created this amazing million dollar company! Our products are 100% biodegradable, our product line is run on 100% solar, our employee base is like a large supportive family and our turnover is lower than any other company in our sales bracket for over a decade. We have so much left over after all the high end profit sharing that we donate all the excess to support families struck by poverty."
Again, most companies want to be successful in all areas, they just started out with linear goals and gotten themselves limited solutions. Time to pivot.
Understand this. Even the way success is defined in the dictionary points directly to this unintended limitation we've placed on human potential.
1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
2. a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity.
Can you see the singular focus? Interesting isn't it.
If true success doesn't include failure then the dictionary might read:
1. the successful outcomes created as a result of an accomplishment or purpose.
2. surpassing desired aims and attaining prosperity, for self and others, as a result.
Can you see the movement from the linear into the expanded? It is a huge difference in implication.
Linear thinking creates limitation, intended or not. Linear solutions are prone to unintended consequences because they are, by their very nature, short-sighted solutions.
I have good news though! The problems we face nowadays are not due to a lack of intelligence. We are highly intelligent, but we are not yet integratively intelligent.
I am willing to bet not one company team started out saying, "I want to cause damage to the environment and take more for myself than I want to provide for my staff."
Yet, they may have started out saying, "Let's create a million dollar company!" and then got lost in the excitement, cut corners, and sold out their values for venues.
Not one person would say, “Yes, I want to swim in a disgusting polluted dying ocean!! Wooho!” Not one. Yet, that is very sadly what is happening.
So, we've failed to see through the lens true success. That is ok. We can start now.
So, we've forgot to choose the outcome that made the millions and left positive impacts in multiple areas. That is ok. We can expand our vision and engage our full potential.
So, we've settled for the money goal and ignore, justify, or numb out, the guilt each night. That is ok. We can align with our values whenever we choose and touch people's lives in positive ways as we do so.
Envision a global company that solved more problems than it created economically, socially, politically, relationally, environmentally and fiscally. You can’t tell me we are not intelligent enough to pull this off. Yet, if we don't include aspects of the whole, we can and will miss the true mark of human potential.
So do we have yet to tap into our human potential? Heck yes we do! And I'm excited to be a part of the movement towards integrative thinking and true human potential.
This is the good news!
Integrative coaches are one way humanity is helping humanity shift into more positive and impactful solutions in all areas, not just one or two.
Integrative means to include all aspects. This lens of intelligence helps people see farther, dig deeper, include their core values into their work/life, remove obstacles and minimize limitation. As we do so, people start to truly thrive.
What I challenge our politicians, leaders and companies to say is... "Challenge accepted! Yes, let's create the solutions that only have positive impact in all areas we reach!"
It has been said we are living in pivotal times. So let's pivot!
Are you with me?
By Laurel Elders, PCC
IICT Founder / Senior Faculty