Today's topic is self-sabotage. It is not a topic I've come across often, but it is one I have had to overcome in my own life and help my clients face regularly.
Before I got into coaching, I was a personal trainer. I learned quickly that most of my clients already knew exactly what to eat/not eat, how much to exercise, and what habits to avoid. Did they choose those things? Not until their relationship and emotional attachment to what was sabotaging them shifted. I could give them plans until I was blue in the face, but could I create change?
Coaching invites change. Coaching also anchors in the change by engaging the neuroplasticity we have in the brain.
I know that self-sabotage is a big topic for folks. We intentionally added training to our program to address this. Our Director of Training teaches a powerful coaching technique for unlocking self-fulfilling prophecies in her two parts series the Anatomy of Peace.
Other coaching approaches we teach to eliminate self-sabotage are Enneagram Transformations, the Map to Mastery, and the Outcome Model. As you can see, there are many paths to client empowerment.
Today's resource is a simple list of typical self-sabotage manifestations. You can use it to see if any of these challenge you, or you can use the list with clients to see if they experience any of these blocks.
By: Haley Osborne
"It may be hard to believe, but many respectable and self-confident people have experienced times when the conscious and subconscious levels of their mind ran counter to each other. This contradiction is called self-sabotage, which hinders a person from reaching their goals and making a successful career.
Many do not view internal resistance on the subconscious level as a difficulty, indicating that they may be unaware of this challenge. The conscious mind signals to you that there’s a problem to overcome, but you ignore it because you believe in yourself. If you are not sure whether it’s happening in your life, analyze the following manifestations, and explore solutions to the widespread self-sabotage among X, Z and Y generations."
Click Here to Read the Self-Sabotage Manifestations
This month, we've been focused on personal power. One way we can give our power away is how we react to stress. Are we aware of our tendencies? Are we willing to self-reflect on our triggers?
For me, I've had to make a conscious effort to learn my triggers. This effort helps me step back if something painful or stressful comes up, and I know I need space to get back to my center before responding. With three teenagers, I've had lots of opportunities to practice!
Coaching is a powerful shortcut for self-development. Coaching was a game changer for me when it came to self-awareness and stress.
One key teaching around stress and personal power that I took away from learning the Enneagram is how different personalities react under stress. The Enneagram calls this Levels of Development. It teaches that under stress we tend move down a few levels. This down-leveling happens until we become self-aware and learn how to respond differently. The core concept also teaches us that the more we develop our capacity to respond positively to stress, the more emotional buoyancy we develop.
Today's resource reflects the 4 DISC personalities and the tendencies each type faces under stress. These are good to be aware of in ourselves and also on behalf of our clients.
How Behavioral Patterns can be Exaggerated Under Stress
By: Carmen Acton, PCC
"My friends and family would tell you I’m typically a very calm, laid-back person. That is, until I’m triggered and experiencing emotions of uncertainty, anxiety or panic. Then my behavioral style looks more like that of a lion.
Recently, my mother sustained a fall and was unable to get to the phone. I became worried when she didn’t return my calls and on day three, I went into command mode. I instructed the police to break into her home immediately! Many would say I pivoted from kitten to lion in under a second. What was underlying this big change in my behavior? It was a sudden change in routine and being faced with something unpredictable.
There are four broadly accepted behavioral styles that are represented by observable behavioral tendencies. We each exhibit a blend of these based on what we believe the situation, environment or relationship calls for. They may have slightly different names, but we can recognize them if we pay attention to the observable verbal, visual and vocal cues."
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This month, we are exploring Personal Power to its fullest! Last week, we examined unconscious power leaks and how to bring them into our conscious awareness.
This week, we are looking at what to do with power leaks and how to create power patches. Now that you’ve identified a leak, it is time to patch it up!
Part 3: Power Patches
Personal power is best thought of like a boat. If we want to get far in life, it is imperative to keep our power intact. A leak is like water on-boarding, and we have to attend to it. The bigger the leak, the quicker the boat sinks.
A power patch is what it takes to stop the leak, ideally patching it up for good!
The first step is to identify immediate leaks. These are felt in our behaviors resulting from not having boundaries. Not having boundaries puts us out of alignment with our power because we fragment away from our values.
The next step is to come up with a solution. Sometimes the solution is obvious. For example: If I’m staying up too late each night, and I’m always exhausted at work.... I can create a plan to get to bed earlier.
Other solutions might be bigger than us. If I have an underlying mindset pitfall around forgiveness, then I might avoid forgiving and remain in my power leak.
In essence, locate the solution. If you find that you can’t swiftly shift into the solution, then it is an excellent time to take your new self-awareness into coaching to elevate your mindset or into counseling if the power leak stems from trauma.
Patching up power leaks is an inside job. It is highly rewarding and helps ensure the direction we take our life is the direction we end up at.
Living fully aligned in our power also feels great! Living with our personal power intact gives us the experience of a rock solid confidence. It also helps us understand how/when to be vulnerable and when to set boundaries. Challenges become much, much easier to face.
We all know that in life it is not a matter of “if” challenges will arise. It is a matter of “when” they will arise, and are we prepared for them?
There are so many wonderful side effects of living with our personal power intact! Happy power patching!
In August, we are focusing on Personal Power. Last week, we defined Personal Power and explored the variety of ways that power leaks can get in the way of our success. These are the more conscious ways. But what about the unconscious ways?
This week, we are looking at the unconscious ways we give our power away. You will learn how to locate them so you can patch them up. These are good to be aware of if we wish to elevate our potential and understand how to elevate others!
PART 2: Mindset Power Leaks
There are conscious and unconscious power leaks. The conscious ones we can "catch ourselves in the act” like my mentor Sandy Hogan used to put it. The unconscious ones are our default patterned ways of being. These are harder to catch because we aren’t yet aware they exist.
The good news is that we have the capacity to bring the unconscious to the conscious!
Below is a list of unconscious patterned ways of thinking that end up as power leaks.
As a matter of fact, all of these pitfalls are limited in their thinking and therefore become the limitations that bind us.
It is a substantial list, so I recommend spending one day at a time observing and watching out for one of these patterns. Notice. Catch yourself in the act.
Since we’ve spent the last two weeks noticing and locating power leaks, next week we will explore what to do with them and how to patch them up.
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This month, we are going to focus on Personal Power! We will work through a 3-part series called Taking Your Power Back.
Together, we will cover how to locate power leaks, both conscious and unconscious, and then how to create power patches so that you can better support your own success and/or help elevate your client’s success.
PART ONE: What is Personal Power?
When we have a power leak, we can definitely feel it. We may end up burning the candle at both ends and exhausted. Or we may feel emotionally drained after facing a problem.
Power leaks impact our relationships to ourselves and our relationships to others. They can also impact our discipline, follow through, and overall commitments.
Defining the consequence of power leaks is much easier than defining what it is. Today, we are going to unpack 'what' is personal power in Part 1 of our Personal Power series.
This is an important topic because when our power is intact, we live aligned with our values. We do this by establishing good internal boundaries that help inform our external boundaries.
Here is the definition we use in coaching:
- Personal power: The ability to form healthy internal boundaries that allow us to live fully aligned with our values and truth within the external world.
- Power leaks: Ways we drain our energy by lacking healthy internal boundaries which impacts our external boundaries.
We can’t fix what we don’t see, so it is imperative to become self-aware of our personal power. When we become self-aware, we can then patch the leaks up. When our power is intact, we have more time and energy to nourish what we love and value in our life.
How do you give your power away?
Below is a short list of common power leak symptoms to look for:
Which of these do you catch yourself in the act of doing? What else might you add to this list? These are all conscious ways we can give our power away. Next week, in Part 2, we are going to explore the unconscious ways we give our power away. Those are harder to catch. However, we have a formula to help you laser in... so stay tuned!